Touching Me, Touching You

Hello all,

Africats is about so much more than mediation (though we are great at it; check out the Africats Method by going to: and yoga tips, we also do dating advice too. And when it comes to dating women, there is nothing more critical in senses than the sense of touch. You touch too much, you risk being called a pervert. You touch too little, or you don’t touch at all, then you’re either disinterested in her or disinterested in women in general (a.k.a. you’re gay and you were better off with a male date than her).

But how do you properly touch women? In this modern day and age where it’s normal to be seen holding hands in public – unlike how it was sixty or so years ago – how do you put boundaries when it comes to touching? How far should you go? How do you know if the girl likes it or not? Flirting these days is different from flirting in the past. If you aren’t aware, here’s something for you: flirting – a quick guide.

Take her cue. Some women will make the first move.

So, do you really know how to touch a woman? Here are some tips that will not only make her appreciate you but will definitely save you from awkwardness and embarrassment over misunderstood touching:

Top of the list is to never go too far too soon. Sure you can offer your hand when going up and down the stairs, or the crook of your elbow a la true debonair. But to rest your hand on top of her legs right at the very first minute of the date? You’re lucky if you don’t go home with a black eye and swollen balls! A little pat on the back of the hand would be a good way to test the waters.

And remember there are socially acceptable parts of the body to touch in public: the arm is okay. The hand is okay as long as she consents it. An arm around the neck is acceptable, again, if she accepts it. But never go as far as encircling her waist before she’s ready. Anything above the knee, close to the bosom or anywhere around the torso is a NO-NO.

Next, always test the waters. A pat on the back or on the arm will do. See how she reacts to it. If she has the instinctive repulse, then take it slow. When she repulses, do not look shocked or offended. It will only make things awkward. One good indicator that she’s okay with it is if she lets you, or better yet, if she responds to your advances with mutual affection. Take note of her reactions if you don’t want to get in trouble.

Take her cue. Some girls make the first move (you’re lucky if they do, though). Some girls don’t, at all. If she’s being touchy-feely with you, then by all means, respond. A word of caution though: just because she’s okay with you touching her in her ‘okay’ areas (mentioned above) does not mean it’s fully okay to go borderline pervy. Always wait for her cue and consent. A girl who’s truly interested will let you know.

Finally, remember, every lady is different. Different personalities mean different reactions. If you’d like to become a better man who is good at everything, you must learn how to treat every personality differently. Always, always be sensitive about how your date is and how she reacts to you. The key here is to make her comfortable with you.

It requires a great amount of trust to allow people into your personal space. And this is largely important with women, so make sure you earn her trust well enough before you even attempt to touch her. Becoming a better man will be sure to help you with that.

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