Become Smarter!

Hey readers,

We here at Africats are here to help you with dating, yoga and meditation. If you are like most people, then you probably have more than one reason for meditating. A lot of people meditate because they want more clarity in their life, while others meditate so that they’ll be able to find inner peace. While these are both great reasons to meditate, you can get meditation to do so much more. Brainwave entrainment is a supplemental meditation exercise that helps synchronize with your brainwaves. When the sounds provided by brainwave entrainment synchronize with your brainwaves, you’ll be able to get much more out of your meditation sessions. So, how can you be smarter with brainwave entrainment?

Brainwave entrainment is broken down into three main categories, these inclue; Monaural beats, Binaural beats, and Isochronic beats. Be sure to check out the Africats Method by going to:  http://africats.org/2013/02/africats-new-course-on-meditation-coming-soon/

The reason that brainwave entrainment was broken down into these three categories is because each of these three kinds of beats have different frequencies. As you might have predicted, each of these three beats also helps you get more out of your meditation sessions.

Binaural beats is the category of brainwave entrainment you want to focus on if your goal is to become smarter. Binaural beats are specially formulated sound waves that increase your ability to retain information. If your job requires you to do a lot of memorization, listening to binaural beats is a great way to increase your effectiveness. Many people are very smart, but they just require a stimuli in order to bring it out. If you always thought that you weren’t reaching your full mental potential, then listening to  binaural beats is a wonderful exercise to try. 🙂

Where To Find Brainwave Entrainment Tracks

If you think that binaural beats is something that you would like to try, you should purchase some tracks online. There are many websites available that offer these tracks for very affordable prices. It is important to read the reviews associated with each track before you end up purchasing them. This way, you’ll be able to determine whether or not they are effective. When reading the reviews, it’s important to take the cumulative opinion of the track into consideration. If a track gets on negative comment, don’t immediately discount it. Sometimes certain people don’t respond well to certain tracks and it could just be a “fluke” review. Also, make sure that you have a good audio system in place so that you’ll be able to hear the binaural beats as they were intended to be heard. If your audio system produces fuzzy or low quality sound, it could inhibit your chances of increasing your intelligence. I personally like Bose headphones. They truly rock!

Now that you know more about binaural beats and their ability to increase your mental capacity, you should think about incorporating this practice into your daily meditation session. Incorporating binaural beats into your meditation session is very easy and doesn’t take up any more time than a regular meditation session. Just play the binaural beats in the background when you’re meditating and you should be able to get much more out of your meditation session and your day.

Some Cool Meditation Resources To Check Out

http://www.dmoz.org/Health/Alternative/Meditation/

Deepak Chopra Meditation Videos

BBC feature on meditation

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You’re Late for a Date, Now What?

Africat readers ahoy there!

So it’s a universal truth that we live in a biased society and there is hardly anything that can change that. As a seasoned traveller around seminars and events, I meet a whole range of people. The world can forgive, and possibly expect, women who show up late for a date for even as much as 2 hours. Of course that’s too horrible but women somehow more easily gets out of these scenarios with a bat of an eyelash or a hair flip coupled with the sweetest smile.

But you, men, on the other hand, are not quite as lucky as us ladies. The thing is, men are victims of the society’s double standards. A woman can get away with being late for an hour because she was making herself presentable for her date. A man who comes in 15 minutes than the appointed time, or at the very least comes in after the woman has arrived is a jerk who is so irresponsible with his time and disrespects his date.

So maybe that is true in some cases. But sometimes, some things just come up and you barely make it to your date at all. Here are some ways to survive being late for a date without looking like the biggest a-hole in the planet:

If you know early on that you cannot possibly make it on time, call ahead and move the time of your date. That’s one of Matt Ganz’ tips on picking up women. Make an effort and find a way for you to inform your date of the delay rather than leave her waiting for you for hours in a crowded restaurant and possibly putting her in the frontlines of preying men. Make amends and make sure you come with compensation for being late. Read this piece for how to say sorry effectively.

Whatever the reason is (traffic, etc) let her know. To begin with, if your tardiness was caused by some last minute occurrence like getting stuck in traffic or some emergency meeting at work, still make an effort to inform her. Being stalled or at least thinking that you have been stalled is not quite the best feeling in the world. Make sure you come in with an apology and a token for an apology. When you can, stop by for the most beautiful flowers to compensate for your tardiness. Best of all, pull off the most apologetic look on your face.

Don’t forget to apologize sincerely but don’t linger. Don’t leave her asking why you are late. Be honest about why you’re late even if it meant admitting you overslept on your afternoon nap. Here are some tips on how to say sorry effectively. But don’t linger in the apology. It will make it worse than it actually is and make her feel worse too. You’ve started on the wrong foot; don’t walk around in it all night. After apologizing, start on a new topic and get on ahead with the date careful not to talk about your tardiness again.

Finally, my best piece of advice is to be so awesome she’ll forget you made her wait. The only thing worse than a guy coming in late for a date is being a sloppy date. Be your most awesome, most fabulous self and impress her to the umpteenth level of the moon and the stars.
There’s no excuse for making a girl wait but if you have, don’t fail to compensate.

By the way, be sure to check out the Africats Method by going to:  http://africats.org/2013/02/africats-new-course-on-meditation-coming-soon/.

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Don’t Date a Divorcee

Hi guys, so I met someone recently at an Africats event who was moaning about the state of his lovelife and it inspired me to write this article. Now, everyone deserves another chance at love. A single relationship failure should not at all stop you from getting another shot at it and ultimately, getting another shot at finding your true love and happily ever after.

However, if you have not been married ever, and are taking interest in a divorced woman, or have failed so many times with single girls that you’re thinking your fate might be entwined with the once-married ones, maybe you should think about some things a bit thoroughly well. Good focus can be found through meditation with certain issues, check out the the Africats Method by going to:  http://africats.org/2013/02/africats-new-course-on-meditation-coming-soon/.

Here are some reasons why you shouldn’t date a divorcee:

To begin with she just came out of a very complicated relationship and in the midst of an even more complicated post-divorce battle. Can you seriously picture yourself being in the middle of a legal battle, custody battle, or a battle on sharing and splitting of assets and properties? These things can get REAL NASTY. If your lady of interest happens to be in one, you might want to take a step back and wait ‘til the smoke dies down.

Or maybe she has too many kids. In this day and age of fewer offspring, anything more than two children can be counted as too much. If you’re not ready for the commitment that is a buy-one-take-one, then you may want to rethink about dating them. Dating divorcees can get complicated because of the family that came before you. Before you get in too deep with their mother but you’re not ready to commit with her kids, then you shouldn’t really be poking around in their already complicated family life and walk away anytime.

It’s worth asking your self too is she might be seeing you as a rebound. Seriously, who wants to be a rebound? Exactly, no one. It is one of the most fruitless and selfish relationship moves and it only gets worse if you are on the losing aka the rebounded end of the relationship. Individuals who have just recently come out of their marriage are more vulnerable emotionally and may jump into relationships to get back at their exes. This is a total waste of their time and it hardly produces a good relationship. So if you think you’re going to be a rebound, don’t waste it.

Remember as well that she might still be suffering from the painful remnants of her past relationship. It’s normal to be traumatized especially if the relationship ended badly. If your divorcee date is in this exact situation, you might be in for more trouble that you’re willing to bargain for or live with. Everyone knows how difficult it is to live with the old emotional baggage of people especially in romantic relationships. If you see your date being in one, give her space, Give her enough time and space to move on without you clouding the picture. Try to prove to her that you are a better man than her past. Unless you want to live with the ghosts of her womanizing or physically abusive ex-husband, let her move on in peace.

If you don’t think she’s any of the above,  read Matthew Ganz’ answer on how to get a girl to like you. Everyone deserves a second, third, nth chance at loving again. But everyone deserves to have it at the right time. There’s nothing wrong with dating a divorcee; as long as they’ve fully moved on from their past relationship, they are ready to get into a new, better one.

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What to Do When Your Mom Hates Her

A reader recently wrote into us here at Africats asking for some help with a problem. And as we’re about more than just meditation and yoga, I wanted to step up and help out with some advice; he wrote in to ask, “Susan, I need some dating advice. My mom really dislikes my girlfriend and it’s cousing tension for me. What Should I do?” I was chatting at a seminar recently with a guy who turned out to be a dating coach. So I got to asking him for what to share with my reader. So dating guru, Charlie McKenzie, guest wrote this piece in response.

“This is a problem that would be quite normal and okay to talk about when you’re 15 or 16, you know, when you’re dating someone older in high school and your mom flips out when she sees her with her nose piercing and wrist tattoo. While it is embarrassing then, it was acceptable – you were young. But when you are still having this exact same problem – with your mommy getting mad at you and obviously hating your girlfriend for reasons that are both valid and invalid – there is a reason to be alarmed and yes, sort of ashamed.

Surely, this will help Sonic Seduction’s step-by-step guide to approaching women.

What to Do

So, what do you exactly do when the two women of your life cannot be in the same room together? How do you make your mom like your girlfriend, or at least make her hate your lover less?

If you’re in this type of conflict, read on and take note because it would take more than a delicious plate of apple pie for Mommy to like your ladylove.

Susan and Andy

Susan and Andy

Firs off, sit her down and ask your Mom why. Sometimes, even your mom’s best intention just could not translate as a good action. I’m sure your mom means well, that’s why she disapproves of your relationship. After all, we’re talking here about the woman who took care of you since you were little, and the woman on whose she would entrust you to. It’s like a president handing over the presidential seat; the former would definitely want to ensure that his country is in great hands well into his retirement. So ask Mom, calmly and not confrontationally, casually and nicely – and listen to what she has to say. She may have seen something in her that will get you into trouble and heeding her advice might actually save you from tons of heartaches. View this interesting helpful article.

And remember don’t force them into each other. Constantly putting them together in a room would be awkward and annoying. SO if you don’t want them both to get mad at you, don’t try too hard at it. Leave the meetings to a minimum; unless you’re already planning to marry, you really and technically don’t have to have them meet on a regular basis.

Also a word of advice, don’t tell your mom all your grievances about your girlfriend. Keep your dirty laundry to yourselves. Unless you badly, badly, badly need Mom’s counsel, don’t tell her about how untidy your girlfriend is at home, or how her cooking sucks, or how much better life is with mommy. That’s just kindling the fire even more and you know that it will never do you any good. Not at all. Don’t talk about her unless it’s pitching in a good word or two that will make her change her mind about her.

Ask your girlfriend to be patient and to reach out to your mom. In this scenario, your girlfriend would have to be the bigger person. She has something to prove, your mom doesn’t. So make sure you help your girlfriend get the chance to disprove your mom’s opinion of her. And her patience would pay off in the long run. Maybe if it’s something particular she’s done it might help her to read this article on saying sorry effectively.”

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Sport the Bald Look With Pride

Hi readers,

I was at a meditation seminar recently and I must admit my mind was wandering as the speaker talked, mostly because he was wearing a rather bad wig. I assume to hide the fact that he was going bald. Growing up, I’ve always thought men were okay with being bald. I see them everywhere – in kids at school whose parents are avid fans of martial arts movies, when watching basketball, and practically just everywhere there’s always someone with lesser hair than others.

And then I grew up. I grew up and I realized that actually, not a few men are so worried about losing hair and getting bald. Hair thinning is a natural progression, only that it gets more obvious in men than women when we get older. However, have it much, much earlier than others and the hair is thinning and getting lost faster than the brain and the ego could ever accept it.

Hair loss is what premature wrinkling is to women. Men would rather have grey hair anytime – anytime – over a full skinned head. It seems like the ultimate surrender to ageing.

But guess what – IT IS NOT THAT BAD! In fact, it is not bad at all! Bald men are perceived to be strong, and have impressive leadership qualities. And if you sport it the right way, you’d be surprised to find out how great you look and feel with it! Hey, read this to know how to start conversations with women.

For more on feeling great, be sure to check out the Africats Method by going to:  http://africats.org/2013/02/africats-new-course-on-meditation-coming-soon/

Why shaven is better: if your hair is slowly leaving you, strand by precious strand, or you’ve decided that shaving off all your hair would help you become a better person, but you don’t know how to look good in it, read on. Lose the wig, lose the cap, and stop pulling all your back hair forward to make it seem like it’s still there; What to do? let me tell you why your shaven head is better and how to rock it:

Stand proud and rock it like an action star. Vin Diesel. Jason Statham. Bruce Willis. What a great clean-shaven head needs is a tough persona. Wear it with some leather jackets (in the right weather and the right occasion PLEASE), the right pair of shades, and the right kind of attitude, you’re going to get them hooligans shaking at the sight of you and girls will definitely feel all Demi Moore-ish around you (or at least the younger one) or Rosie Huntington Whitley if you want something more current.

Or go for the wise and mysterious look. Patrick Stewart was bald when he played Captain Picard in the Star Trek series. He was also bald when he played Professor X. And in both movies he perfectly portrayed the role of a mysterious person who’s so full of wisdom. Remember, girls dig intelligent men.

Read this for more on brain entrainment; look great and feel smarter too.

And lastly, understand that you can look more athletic. Don’t mind that Lebron James is trying to hide his receding hairline with his headbands. He’ll come to terms with himself on that matter sooner than later. Some of his fellas up in the NBA have found the good in keeping the bald look – Kobe Bryant, Ray Allen, Tony Parker to name a few. Just like rocking the action star look, a little attitude will get you a long, long way to achieve this look.

Finally, just stop denying it. If you can’t stop it, embrace it. You’ll realize that a little attitude, and acceptance of this new look will save you the frustration – not to mention the cash on hair re-growth supplements.

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Confused? What to Do If She’s Sending Mixed Signals

Hi Guys!

In case you were wondering, as webmaster I wanted to tell you that Africats is about more than meditation and yoga advice,(though we’re great at that too check out the Africats Method by going to:  http://africats.org/2013/02/africats-new-course-on-meditation-coming-soon/) we also do great dating tips too.

Today’s article is about how women tend to send mixed signals sometimes. That’s almost second nature for the female lot. You could blame it on women’s fickleness, or on women’s uncertainty on how to say what they exactly mean without being misled (oh the irony). In some, though rarely, some women actually do it to keep the men hooked. Sadly, or not, it works. But for whatever reason the woman you’re with is sending you mixed signals, I know for a fact that it’s really not the happiest place to be in. Men – born and wired for precision and decisiveness and accuracy – just can’t handle so much guessing and interpretation and reinterpretation. It drives men crazy and it’s even harder to get out of than it actually seems.

So how do you handle this? What do you do when you find yourself under fire from her mixed signals? What do you do when everything she’s doing, everything that already screams bipolar and toxic in every level, is driving you insane?

When a woman sends mixed signals, take a cue. Here are some tips on what to do when a woman sends mixed signals. First off just ignore it. Completely ignore the fact that she is confusing you. Whether or not she is doing it on purpose, the best way out of it is to just get your head out of it. This may be difficult and just as impossible to achieve but the more you think about it, the more confused you get. And only logically, the more screwed up you are. Just ignore whatever she’s doing. This is also your way of telling her that you actually are not one who plays the game and that whatever she’s doing is not working on you (and that you deserve to be treated better).

Another tip is to try and divert your attention onto something else. Focus on school, work, your friends, or focus on a new hobby. You can never fully achieve ignoring her until you keep your hands full with something else. PS: divert your attention to something else, not someone else. Diverting your attention does not mean dating someone else. Putting some other woman in the picture – who could potentially and just equally confuse you just as much – would complicate things. –Read this article at SIBG.com.

Find the courage to ask her straight-in-the-face for a straight-in-the-face answer. If you want the right answers, ask the right questions. A direct question would serve as an ultimatum, pressuring her to actually give out an answer – a definite one. Show her that you don’t have the patience, the time, and the heart to be under this ‘game’ of hers and that you need answers from her. More often than not, women just send mixed signals because you have been sending her the same yourself without you knowing it. By asking her directly, you are also telling her blatantly what your intentions are.

Always talk to her honestly. In every occasion you get to talk to her, always be honest. That should tell her enough that you’re not one for the BS and that she ought to treat you with honesty and respect too. For more info on mind games women can play check out this article.

Thanks for reading! Susan

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Spoil Her Without Going Broke

Hey there!

So it’s a universal truth that women love being spoiled. As true as the fact that I have to attend a seminar each month and that we at Africats are about more than just meditation and yoga, we give great dating advice too. For more on meditation though; check out the Africats Method by going to:  http://africats.org/2013/02/africats-new-course-on-meditation-coming-soon/.

Women love being lavished with love, showered with attention, and getting tons and tons of affection. And according to my self-confessed ultimate spoiler of a boyfriend, men love spoiling their girlfriends too! And who wouldn’t? Who wouldn’t love a woman’s child-like look of delight, the never ending shower of love in reciprocation for the love received, and that feeling of satisfaction of having shown so much love where it’s due? A man who has truly ever loved will definitely know this feeling.

What most men hate about spoiling women, or at least the idea of spoiling women, is that it is a very expensive thing to do. Well, I have two things to say to this: (1) yes, it can be a little expensive that’s why you don’t do it often; and (2) you don’t need to go broke over it.

Spoiling your woman goes more than just taking her on a day-long, take-everything-you-want shopping spree; that’s just one kind and it only satisfies a small part of herself; not to mention, this is mostly impossible for most men to achieve. Spoiling your ladylove involves a holistic sense of satisfaction and happiness, of making her feel loved and cared for in levels exceeding what she thinks she needs nor deserves; you overwhelm her.

So spoil her without spending too much. What am I talking about? How can you spoil your woman without breaking a month’s worth of gas and groceries? Read on for some spoiling ideas. Start off by cooking for her. Why take her to a fancy three course dinner date when you can simply make it yourself? Well, this is where I get all my dating and relationship advice. Read on for some spoiling ideas:

Grab nana’s old book of homemade goodies – yes, the same ones you’ve loved on the Sundays of your childhood – and get your butt in the kitchen! What’s so hard (or expensive) about some straight-from-the-can cream of mushroom soup for starters, some aglio e olio pasta (really, pasta can never be this easy), and some good ol’ chocolate cake from her favorite pastry shop? The secret, my friends, is presentation. Google food presentation ideas and you’re good to go!

Next tip, give her a massage. It could be a simple foot massage after a long day in heels, or a full body massage (pre- or post-sex, doesn’t really matter). Use scented oils (very cheap at your local pharmacy or mini-mart). Light up her favorite scented candles, play some feel-good, spa-esque songs (Enya or some Bossa Nova will do; instrumentals will also work perfectly), and voila.

Andy and Jessie during the teambuilding game

Another way to spoil her is treat her like a queen for an entire day. On some random weekend, whip her up breakfast in bed, prepare her a bath (complete with the works of bubbles, champagne, rose petals, anything that catches your fancy), let her do whatever she wants while you TAKE CARE OF THE HOUSEHOLD CHORES. Laundry, vacuuming, dog walking, cooking – everything. You won’t have to spend a dime, and she’ll definitely love, love, love it.

As far as I know, there’s nothing really expensive about any of these ideas. And more importantly, there’s not a thing not to love on this list!

Read here for some great advice on closing a date fabulously, whether it’s expensive or not! You’re welcome!

Don’t forget to always visit the site and read some previous post!

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Are You Dating a Player? See the Signs!

How are you guys? It’s been so long since my last blog post! I’ve been completely rushed off my feet with seminars and events this month so it’s been a while since I’ve had chance to write! But this week’s dating advice comes from watching a girlfriend mess a nice guy around. For more on mixed signals you may be receiving, check out this link too. [2]

Men are not the only players around these days. More and more women have come up boldly to show that they can play around relationships just as good as men can do. Surprisingly, these female players’ modus operandi are not any different from how the men have done it over the ages. Looks like you men have set quite a good example, haven’t you? And you might just never know when a player has hit you, see PUA database for tips.

The Telltale Signs

Here are some telltale signs that your ladylove is playing with you. Number one she does not commit. In general, women are more into commitment than men. And when they don’t commit, there can only be a few good reasons that I know: (1) they are unsure about themselves, about you or both; (2) they have been traumatized over a past relationship; or (3) they are not looking for anything serious and are just having fun (unfortunately, yes, at your expense). Usually, a player could not give a focused and direct answer about why she does not want to commit. A vague answer and a pretty disinterested and detached attitude should show up if indeed your ladylove is a player.

Or she is forever coming and going, she’s hot and cold, she’s bipolar towards you. One very obvious sign about players is that they like playing and messing with your mind and playing with you on their hands. One moment, they are the sweetest little kittens and you’d think you’re on your way towards a real relationship, the next day she either does not show up or gets mad at you for no reason. And just when you’re ready to give up on her and her antics, she comes back to you all sugary sweet like nothing happened. And then you get confused about how she truly feels about you. You get too confused that you just let it go and the cycle continues.

Another sign she’s playing with you is she does not tell you her whereabouts. Girls who are truly into you would let you know things about her life. However, the player’s life and stories are always shady, and it’s always ‘nothing much’ and ‘doesn’t matter’. Apparently, they don’t want to be caught in their tracks or have you swinging around them so much.

A good indicator as well is her usual visits to you are when she’s bored, grumpy, or problematic. If you’ve become her official 911 for her every little dilemma, and she does not share her great moments with you (i.e. birthday, promotion at work, etc), then maybe you are being used to cushion the bad moments. Don’t let her vulnerability and weakness lure you into believing that there’s anything serious about it; she just needs someone to massage her feet after the world and her skyhigh heels have battered them.

And also, she has never talked about upgrading your status and you’re forever just dating and getting to know each other; and she deliberately avoids talking about these things. That’s the farthest thing from her mind.

If there’s any hint or indication of these signs, stop yourself from falling too hard – she might just be playing with you! But don’t get angry, keep calm and move on; check out the Africats calming method by going to:  http://africats.org/2013/02/africats-new-course-on-meditation-coming-soon/.

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Speed Dating: Not All Fun

So I recently attended a speed dating event, this is how I know what I’m talking about when it comes to this subject. And sure, speed dating can be fun. I will not go about generalizing it as fun for everyone because, really, it can be really awkward at best and horrible at worst. But it can seriously be fun and it can be a great way to meet potential girlfriends.

On top of that, speed dating is highly cost-efficient. This is one pro of going on a speed date, according to this Yahoo! article. Apart from the registration fee that you would likely have to pay or the amount of booze that you have to avail at your local bar that sponsored it, there is practically nothing to spend on when going on a speed dating event. You can meet as many girls in a single speed dating night as you meet in month or two of bar-hopping every weekend night and wedding crashing. Not only that, these girls you meet in a speed dating event are not only opportunities to meet prospective lovers but are actually networks of women that could lead you to your Ms. Right. That, or maybe some business or job opportunity at an unexpected time.

But then again, there still are real reasons why a lot are still not keen on going on a dating spree aka speed dating. Here are some of the reasons speed dating can be a negative thing. Check this article from Sydney Morning Herald.

To begin with speed dating really denies you the quality time to spend with a woman and fools you into believing that the quantity of women you meet are good enough. Really, what can you talk about in 2 or 3 minutes? If you have a lot of funny pick up lines to tell, I’m sure you’ll be running out of time. Sure you meet tons of women in one night, but in reality, how many of them even turned out to be women interesting enough to go out with on a real date?

And also with speed dating, you get through the awkward stage of getting to know a stranger more times than you would actually ever do in real life – and with women that you would otherwise have ignored. Trying to impress and get to know a girl you like in a bar or some other public location is hard and awkward enough; what more if you have to do it with someone that would never have made it to your shortlist of interesting women? Just think of how many longest-2-minutes-of-my-life scenarios you are ever going to have in one sitting.

It’s a way to get rejected too many times in one single occasion. No one wants to be rejected. But seriously, unless you are Casanova, you cannot impress every girl you meet at the speed dating event. And so rejection might just come in hoards – sometimes even more than you and your ego can ever take.
And let’s face it, the competition is just too high. There are about as many men as there are women in a speed dating event and you all want the same thing: to get a date. But even when more may mean merrier, more also directly translates to tighter competition. You might exactly find The One for yourself but she may have found it in someone else – and that’s some good reason to curl up in a ball and cry in frustration and failure. Becoming the better man is hard when faced with twenty-plus as competition for that one girl who is actually, really interesting.

There are realistic reasons why some people are not huge fans of speed dating. Simply said, IT IS NOT FOR EVERYONE. Weigh in the pros and cons and save yourself from getting stuck in a messy, speedy situation. But if you do make it on to a real date; be sure to read this for great tips on advice on closing the date fabulously.

Check out the Africats Method by going to:  http://africats.org/2013/02/africats-new-course-on-meditation-coming-soon/.

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Dating A Chubby Girls

Hi readers,

I was a little busy this week setting up the seminar for our Africats Meditation method (check it out here). So guest blogger and dating coach Jenny provided this week’s article and insight on dating girls on the chubbier side.

“Most chubby girls, like their male counterparts, usually lean towards being shy and funny. Though not all, the social stigma on heavier girls have caused many of us on the heavier side are less than confident. We may easily poke fun at ourselves, but trust me, deep inside we chubby ladies are too sensitive when the ‘joke’ is on us by someone else.

So if you’re going to date a fluffy girl, or already are going out with one, here are some tips and side notes to remember:

To start, never compliment on the weight or the figure. Like I said, chubby girls are sensitive and can get a little defensive when the comment comes from someone else. The best way to go is always to leave out the compliment on something else. Compliment her clothes, her face, her hair, touch her in the right places and she would appreciate it – everything else will do just keep off the body joke.

Also, be careful with the comments you make about other people. Be the better man and stop judging and treating other people like trash. So you thought ‘haha that girl is missing a neck!’ joke is funny? Bah. Think again. It is not. I will never tire of saying this about my fellow fluffies: we are extra sensitive about the looks (not because we’re less beautiful than the skinny ones but because we know how society is wired to think that only the slim ones are beautiful). So whenever you make jokes about other people, her initial instinctive reaction is to look inwardly and think that you are sending a subtle message about and towards her. It’s like looking at someone else in the face and they wipe something off their face and you immediately think that they are actually hinting that you actually have something on your face.

It’s important that you do not try to change her. You are dating her because you like her and you enjoy her company and you want to get to know her more. You are her date (or boyfriend, as the case may be), not her personal gym instructor. If you really are concerned that her eating habits are becoming unhealthy, or that her weight is actually jeopardizing her well-being, do it in a way that makes your intention known and not in a way that makes her feel offended or criticized.

Otherwise, accept her for all that she is and all that she can be and be proud of her around other people. We are extremely self-conscious human beings. Thanks to the many narrow-minded people of this society, we become too conscious of the way people look at us and react to us in public. There’s an article by SIBG on what women want, regardless of figure and such. It’s universal, no matter what size or shape– that is, to feel loved, and be acknowledged.

That is why it is likewise very important to us to feel safe and secure during our date as far as our egos are concerned. Thankfully, I have that kind of boyfriend. He makes me feel so beautiful that I could not care less about what the world thinks about me or my body. All credit to the guy that keeps his eyes on me and me alone and notices no one else but me. That does a lot of good to how I feel about myself, and in return, how I feel about him.

So, do you know how to treat your curvy lady?

Thanks for reading, Jenny”

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Touching Me, Touching You

Hello all,

Africats is about so much more than mediation (though we are great at it; check out the Africats Method by going to:  http://africats.org/2013/02/africats-new-course-on-meditation-coming-soon/) and yoga tips, we also do dating advice too. And when it comes to dating women, there is nothing more critical in senses than the sense of touch. You touch too much, you risk being called a pervert. You touch too little, or you don’t touch at all, then you’re either disinterested in her or disinterested in women in general (a.k.a. you’re gay and you were better off with a male date than her).

But how do you properly touch women? In this modern day and age where it’s normal to be seen holding hands in public – unlike how it was sixty or so years ago – how do you put boundaries when it comes to touching? How far should you go? How do you know if the girl likes it or not? Flirting these days is different from flirting in the past. If you aren’t aware, here’s something for you: flirting – a quick guide.

Take her cue. Some women will make the first move.

So, do you really know how to touch a woman? Here are some tips that will not only make her appreciate you but will definitely save you from awkwardness and embarrassment over misunderstood touching:

Top of the list is to never go too far too soon. Sure you can offer your hand when going up and down the stairs, or the crook of your elbow a la true debonair. But to rest your hand on top of her legs right at the very first minute of the date? You’re lucky if you don’t go home with a black eye and swollen balls! A little pat on the back of the hand would be a good way to test the waters.

And remember there are socially acceptable parts of the body to touch in public: the arm is okay. The hand is okay as long as she consents it. An arm around the neck is acceptable, again, if she accepts it. But never go as far as encircling her waist before she’s ready. Anything above the knee, close to the bosom or anywhere around the torso is a NO-NO.

Next, always test the waters. A pat on the back or on the arm will do. See how she reacts to it. If she has the instinctive repulse, then take it slow. When she repulses, do not look shocked or offended. It will only make things awkward. One good indicator that she’s okay with it is if she lets you, or better yet, if she responds to your advances with mutual affection. Take note of her reactions if you don’t want to get in trouble.

Take her cue. Some girls make the first move (you’re lucky if they do, though). Some girls don’t, at all. If she’s being touchy-feely with you, then by all means, respond. A word of caution though: just because she’s okay with you touching her in her ‘okay’ areas (mentioned above) does not mean it’s fully okay to go borderline pervy. Always wait for her cue and consent. A girl who’s truly interested will let you know.

Finally, remember, every lady is different. Different personalities mean different reactions. If you’d like to become a better man who is good at everything, you must learn how to treat every personality differently. Always, always be sensitive about how your date is and how she reacts to you. The key here is to make her comfortable with you.

It requires a great amount of trust to allow people into your personal space. And this is largely important with women, so make sure you earn her trust well enough before you even attempt to touch her. Becoming a better man will be sure to help you with that.

This blog post is copyrighted. Do not copy and/or distribute without permission. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.