Over 50? The Worst Mistakes You Make on a Date

Hey guys, so today’s post is for those you’re 50 and single. Africat’s is there for you at all stages of dating; not just for yoga and meditation advice. Be sure to check out the Africats Method by going to:  http://africats.org/2013/02/africats-new-course-on-meditation-coming-soon/. So whether it’s by choice, chance, or pure misfortune, here you are at 50 trying to begin your life and opening yourself to the possibility of romance. CONGRATULATIONS BUDDY! It takes guts to go out there and get yourself an online dating profile or a blind date!

Being old doesn’t mean you have to be boring.

However, you have to remember that the dating scene for the golden guys and golden girls are so much different from when it was during your Afro-and-bellbottoms years. More likely than not, your dating skills have become rusty – unless you’ve been a George Clooney for most of your single life and was a serial dater. So here are some heads up – learn from the senior men before you have made and avoid making these exact same dating mistakes.

Number one, do not date a very, very, very, very young girl. You can’t all be Hugh Hefner’s. And even Hugh Hefner got stalled on his own wedding with a girl half a century younger! Seriously, please date someone who’s at least within ten years your age – or maybe someone at least fifteen years older than your youngest child. If you’re looking for a long term, serious relationship, a girl who could pass up as your granddaughter could not give you that. Go for someone who can understand how it feels to wake up with arthritis or why you don’t feel like showering on some days.

Secondly, be honest on your online profile. Yes, we understand the need to boost your confidence and desire to look really good. But you really don’t have to lie to achieve that! Use your most recent photo silly! Not confident enough? Dress your best and go for a professional photographer. At best, they know how to get your best angle; at worst, they are equipped with Photoshopping skills to enhance the photo (without lying about your appearance!). Here is Matt Ganz’ advice on how to find a girlfriend to help you. Do not disappoint future dates by coming out as yourself when they were expecting your Tom Cruise-esque online self. That would deflate your ego in a far worse way.

And always try to look great on a date. The thing about senior dating is that most senior men forget that they still have to look good. It’s still a date mister! By all means dress the part! You don’t need to spend up your entire retirement paycheck to dress fancy; but at least look and smell great. Don’t forget to shave, brush your teeth (nobody wants to see last night’s broccoli) and wear clean clothes. Make your date feel like you are taking care of yourself well, and that you can still do that to them. It would also help a lot to get some regular exercise! Find out here how a workout improves your dating life.

When you’re on the date be sure to be interesting and interested. Talk about your interests and interesting things but take time to listen to your date as well. You’re on a date – adult, mature conversation – and not having a monologue.

Lastly, just be less rigid and have fun. Just because you’re old does not mean you can’t be fun. And dating doesn’t change; read here for more on closing your date fabulously.

Okay, so I’ve told you what to do, and here’s what NOT to do and why you shouldn’t date a divorcee. Being old is never an excuse to become a sloppy lover or at least a bad date. Find that youthful glow in you and have fun!

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Battling the Tummy Bulge

Hello and a warm welcome from Africat’s. As I regularly travel to events and seminars I struggle to eat sensibly myself. And, it’s no secret that more and more women are finding it hard to win the battle against stress and emotional eating every day. Yes, it has become a problem for many—as the stress levels go up, it’s almost certain that those extra pounds will follow suit.

I used to belong to the category of women who would grab the remote then call Domino’s (hands down food for the gods–pizza) almost immediately after experiencing a minor setback, be it work-related or emotions-related. I guess it’s just a defense mechanism that I had mastered in order to cope up with stress, and of course it led to nothing but weight gain. You could actually tell from my body whether or not I am in a stressful or stress-free relationship!

unhealthy

Unhealthy eating will never change anything about the situation that worries you.

Most of us know that meditation has a lot of benefits that mostly lean towards spiritual growth and mental stability. But I found out that meditation can also help in creating proper and healthy eating habits—thus leading to weight loss.

Studies have always shown how meditation allows the mind to grow—literally and figuratively—thus making mediators more adept in controlling thoughts and say no to anxiety and distractions. Breathing techniques allow the mind to relax and get rid of thoughts, and in most cases—those thoughts of a greasy cheeseburger, about 3 slices of red velvet cake, or about 10 rasher slices. But kidding aside, the ability to “shut the outside world” and be at peace with one’s surroundings makes it easy to control binge eating that is caused by stress and anxiety.

Nowadays meditation is progressing over time, as more and more branches and techniques are developed. This makes it easier to explore the powers and benefits of meditation. Brainwave entrainment, for one, is beginning to rise in popularity. It seems like a too-technical word when I first heard it, but in layman’s terms, brainwave entrainment is simply a process that utilises the brain’s frequencies to create desired behaviour and thoughts. It combines technology, a whole lot of auditory stimulation, and a little meditation in order to achieve its goal. Being a practitioner of meditation, I found it as a great complement in helping me to finally cut stress out of my life that will eventually lead to more bites, then guilt, and lastly—unwanted pounds. I realized, binge eating isn’t EVER going to be one of the ways to get an ex back. Ever.

Whenever you find yourself opening the refrigerator during moments of anxiety and stress, breathe. Relax. Then breathe again. With this simple exercise, you are already trying out the basic techniques of meditation. Speaking of exercise, find out here why working out benefits your love life. Whenever you’re ready, you can meditate for at least twice a day for 10-15 minutes. That’s all it takes. Remember, everyone starts off small—but over time, your patience and discipline would definitely pay off in great amounts.

P.S.
If you think you may need more help, check this out or go to:  http://africats.org/2013/02/africats-new-course-on-meditation-coming-soon/.

 

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Become a “Better” You

Hi there readers,

As a seasoned webmaster, I know that Africat’s is all about self-improvement and meditation can be a big step towards that. Start off by checking out the Africats Method by going to:  http://africats.org/2013/02/africats-new-course-on-meditation-coming-soon/.

But how do you actually make yourself better? How do you become a “better” man?

Something big and life changing must have happened to you to try to get answers to this question. You have either been badly rejected or rejected too often. Or you’ve just come out of the breakup. At some point in our lives, men and women alike, we come to ask ourselves if we are good enough or if we are ever worth anything at all. We also begin to wonder if there is, by any chance, a better version of ourselves. While it is not as dramatic as it is to us girls, the impact of it to the male kind is more magnanimous I believe.

selfassessment

Sense of achievement – on top of hill – doing a deep work.

For whatever drove you to this question, here are some suggestions to help you achieve the improvement you’re longing for.

Start of and assess yourself in its present form. Who are you today? What are you today? Being better is not only changing and improving everything that is in you but also to recognize what’s already good in you. What are you good and bad at? What are the best and worst things about you?

Second, just focus on one thing at a time. Improve yourself one category at a time. Is it on your self esteem? Is it at work? Is it on your relationship with your family or how you relate with women? Is it your body that needs some workout? All of it and more?

Find one thing that you would want to improve first. Doing them altogether will give you half baked results so maintain focus on one thing at a time. Set your goals and achieve them one by one.

A great tip is to find a role model. It could be your gym trainer, your dad or your boss. It could even be your good ol’ next door neighbor! There is always someone who’s so good at something you just want to be them.

Find a role model and inspiration to help keep you going even at the most trying times of your self-improvement phase. And get your closest circles involved. Tell your girlfriend, family, best friends about your plan. Anyone who discourages you from getting better is better off outside of your personal self-improvement circle. If you need more great advice, take the Sonic Seduction advice on asking a woman out.

Share this only with people who you know will encourage you, uplift you, and support you in every way possible and necessary. Your closest circle will remind you of your goals when you can’t seem to see the point of what you are doing.

Become better for yourself, not for someone else. Do it for yourself. Don’t lose weight just because your girlfriend or the girl you’re dating wants to see six-pack abs. Do it because you want to be healthy. Don’t quit smoking because it makes your wife mad. Do it because you want to live long enough for your kids. Don’t set goals that are set for you by someone else or because someone else is pressuring you to do it. Ask a loved one to help you quit smoking. Become a better person because you want to. Other people can and should only inspire you to achieve your better self; they should never dictate what you want.

What are your self-improvement goals this year? In what ways do you desire to be better? If you need more great advice, check out this article on working out and how it can benefit your dating life.

 

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Africats Steps to Closing a Date Fabulously

Dear readers,

This week’s blog post is in response to a reader’s enquiry on how to leave a girl wanting more at the end of a date, so we turned to Africats resident dating guru Charlie McKenzie.

He says, “The true success of a date is never fully measured by how much you impressed your date when you picked her up, or how well or poorly your entire date went. The final test in every preliminary date is on how well you ended it. You may have mastered everything that’s written on http://sonicseduction.net/how-to-attract-women but still end up spoiling your first date.”

See, girls remember the last thing you did on your date – unless of course if you picked her up in a chopper or if you ordered jumping live prawns for dinner. How you ended the night after your date will leave that lasting impression over everything else you’ve done for the night.

How you end the night after your date will leave that lasting impression over everything else you’ve done for the night. So how do you end a date, gracefully and fabulously – regardless of how the date went on? How do you become an ultimate gentleman that girls will only have great things to say even when you never call them again?

Well, here are some tips, first end the date by making a suggestion. Do not suggest going home right in the middle of your conversation. Do not even suggest it right at the peak of the date – when you’re laughing or talking about something. Wait for the conversation to lay low, then slowly insert the idea of it being late, or that you didn’t notice the time. And then start with a ‘shall we…’ so it doesn’t sound like you are shooing her away but that you both are going your separate ways. If you enjoyed the night, then say so. If it was a horrible night, keep it to yourself and make your suggestion gracefully.

Keep a look out for non verbal cues. Sometimes, a date may end absolutely much sooner than you’d expected or hoped for. If her body language suggests that she is ready to go home or that there is practically nothing else to do at wherever you’re having a date, then it’s time to cue your exit. But if the two of you are clearly having fun, you may linger a while longer and wait for the conversation to peak down before making your suggestion. Here’s a good article from a body language expert.

And don’t forget to end it the exact same way you started it. If you picked her up at home, then by all means do not let her go home in public transport – no matter how awfully awkward the drive is going to be. Drive her home and do not leave until she’s safely inside her house. On the other hand, if you two met at the venue, at least see her safely inside a cab and don’t leave until she’s out of sight.

Always say the right parting words. You can’t just end your date night with nothing more than a simple goodbye! But you should not use that as a hall pass to lie. You don’t really have to say ‘I had a great time’ when you really had a horrible time thinking about how to keep the conversation going. You can end it with a simple ‘Thanks for the night. Goodnight and take care’. ‘I’ll call you soon’ or ‘See you again sometime’ is not a generic requirement for your parting words if in truth, you don’t want to call or see her again. Say it only when you mean it.

To those who have emailed me about making a “series” out of the how-to’s (like how to attract a fashionista, etc.) I’ve written, thanks. I will come up with that soon.

Thanks for reading guys and be sure to look at the Africats Method by going to:  http://africats.org/2013/02/africats-new-course-on-meditation-coming-soon/.

Cheers,

“Charlie”

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Money and Relationships

Hi all,

As a meditation, yoga and dating website, Africats deals with a lot of different types of advice. I know I’ve used a few of their key ideas from our blog posts in my personal life, especially the meditation techniques; I find the Africats Method truly helpful. Check it out. But I also know that stress happens in relationships and when people are starting a relationship and are happily in love, money is the least of their concerns. You don’t talk about money when you’re too busy kissing and cuddling after all. You don’t need money to be intimate with your girlfriend unless you’d want to be intimate in a five-star hotel room.

However, later in the relationship, reality seeps in and money becomes a constant presence. After all, again, you don’t spend the rest of your relationship in your basement bedroom. Love will keep you alive but well, it couldn’t feed you. You have to eat, you have bills to pay, you have to buy things for yourself.

Common Money-Related Issues in Relationships

Oftentimes, problems stemming from money come from the lack of it. You can hardly find people who have a lot of money fighting over who gets to foot the bill for the electricity or who pays for tonight’s Chinese delivery.

The most common of issues related with money that hound relationships among the middle class earners is when one earns more than the other. And this is especially true if she earns more than you do. When your girlfriend ears more than you, you either feel emasculated and your ego is crushed whenever she takes out her wallet for dinner, or that she begins to complain when you seem to be just happy and content waiting for her to pay for you.

Another common problem is when you are both earning around the same but the other seems not as willing to take responsibility for the bill. Well, that just sucks when your partner is a cheapskate.

How to Address Money-Related Relationship Problems

Hard as it is to be having this kind of problem, addressing it and finding a solution for it (one that does not spell BREAKUP) is even harder.

Money lives very close to our egos and addressing your partner’s cheapskate-ness or her joblessness is very difficult. It is even more difficult if your girlfriend addresses you for the exact same things.

But it is never impossible to solve anyway. And here are some tips on how to address your money-related problems.

Just sit down and talk about it. Screaming and fighting and becoming violent about it won’t help a bit. No it won’t.

Be sure to address the issues. If you or your girlfriend doesn’t have a job, maybe you both can help the other find a living. Unemployment is everywhere but it is never impossible to find a job. Don’t look for another girlfriend. It’s not the solution. But if you do breakup, learn how to meet women here.

Importantly, take care not to judge the other person. If your girlfriend is slamming you for being jobless, or your girlfriend is jobless, trust me she is the least bit happy about it.

Remember that your girlfriend is more important than money. You’ll never get to cuddle cash so be careful when getting into money fights with her or risk losing her forever.

Its hard but money is a very bad enemy and ideally, it should never get in between couples. It is even said in the Bible that love for money is the root of all evil. But since reality calls for all of us to be having money-related worries every now and then, the best thing couples can do about being in a dating situation that’s stained by money issues is to be united, and not divided by a couple of bucks.

If you’ve offended her in connection with money, and you didn’t mean to, learn how to say sorry effectively with this article.

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Africats’ Guide to Saying ‘Sorry’ Effectively

Ok, guys, listen up. It’s Africats resident dating guru Charlie McKenzie here. I was told by a female friend that the way a guy says ‘sorry’ could actually aggravate a fight. Did you even know that? I didn’t!

Apologizing is an art, especially to women. Men, on the other hand, hate saying sorry. There are ways that go beyond ‘I am sorry’ to convey your message of utter apology for whatever you’ve done wrong. Sure your sincerest apology will get you covered, especially if your girl is the forgiving type, but sometimes it is just not enough. Other times, it’s on how you say it, not on what you’re saying that makes her forgive you. And still, other times, making I special, sweet and memorable will make her forget about getting mad on your next offense.

How to Say ‘Sorry’ the Right Way

Here are some very effective ways to apologize to our girl for those (hopefully) rare moments you lapsed. Start out strong and make up for it. Nothing is ever more effective than to try to make up for what you did. You missed your anniversary? You forgot to pick her up? You lost last year’s anniversary gift? Try your best to do something about it to make it better. An apology is ideally composed of ‘I am sorry’, ‘I will not do it again’ and ‘How can I make up for it?’. Try to make up for what you have (or have not) done even when it’s impossible. Creativity is key. Find ways to remind her – in writing – that you are sorry. Sure you called to say you’re sorry and you texted her your longest apology text but should you stop there? Write her an apology letter (use a nice stationary too). Drop a note in her purse. Leave a message with flowers at her workplace. Order pizza with an ‘I am sorry’ scrawled in ketchup.

A really good idea is to ask her friends for help. Remember that a girl’s friends have so much effect and so much influence on how she thinks. Getting their sympathy and having them help you with your special apology will definitely help you get her much coveted forgiveness. Oh while at it, you’d have to apologize to her friends as well, and explain yourself because chances are, they know what you’ve done even before you have approached them about it. You can also ask your friends!  The guys at SIBG are awesome!

Just do something sweet. When she’s less angry and she’s all ready to go out with you, plan something surprisingly sweet during your date. Maybe ask your lounge singer to sing her favorite song and whisper ‘I love you and I’m sorry’ during the sweetest part of the song? Or ask someone at the restaurant to hand her flowers or a special cake for her?

stickies

Do something sweet. Stick love notes on unexpected places.

Go the extra mile even after she has forgiven you. Your apology should not end as soon as she says you’re okay. Plan a romantic weekend, go out on a date or do something really special and something you don’t do too often with your girlfriend. She should know that your sweetness and niceness do not wane as soon as she says you’re forgiven.

The main thing is when making an apology, the most effective way still is to be very sincere. It’s not a mind game men should play with women. Even the best forms of apologies will lose its efficiency if you keep doing the same mistake over and over.

Thanks for reading guys,

Stay cool, Charlie.

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Fashionista Seduction Advice

To my readers,

I know a thing or two about being fashionable myself, I personally spend a lot of time looking good for seminars and events, but actually most women are fashionistas by nature……so men, look your best all the time. Men are generally used to having somebody else choose their clothes for them or fix them up.

In fact, women are usually the ones who ensure that their partners look presentable and clean before they go out together. Since women are fashionistas by nature and are always concerned about their partner’s looks, you might want to learn how to dress yourself up in order to seduce one of these women with ease. Here are some tips to help you out:

First and foremost, act the part. A gentleman who is dressed well generally exudes a distinctive vibe of success. Women find successful men very attractive, so aim to wear polished shoes and great accessories, like a fashionable watch, along with your clothes. If you look put together, you will look successful – it’s as simple as that.

There is one subtle advantage that comes with being well-dressed: men who know what good clothes entail are more likely to truly appreciate women’s clothes, too. So point out their good taste. Do you know how long women take to pick out outfits before going out? Some women even go shopping especially for an occasion, so it can be frustrating if the men that they dress up for don’t even notice the effort that they put into their fashion sense. So, make sure to compliment women on their clothes every now and then. They will definitely appreciate it. Still not convinced, take this dating advice.

You see, the main reason why women love men with fashionable taste, though, is that they will have exclusive bragging rights to them. So look brag-worthy. That’s right. Women love having a boyfriend or a husband who dresses like a model because they get to flaunt their dapper partner to their friends, neighbors and relatives. Face it: women always want to look great. Well, having somebody by their side who always looks great, as well, will do wonders for their ego.

This is why looks matter so much. Especially if you’re dating an older woman. If you want to seduce a good-looking and presentable fashionista, you need to know that these women will only be attracted to men with the same level of fashion sense as them. As they say, birds of the same feather flock together. So, if you preen yourself regularly, you are more likely to win over the kind of woman who looks great at all times.

If you need help picking out fail-safe pieces for your wardrobe, then you should know that you can always depend on a striped necktie with subtle patterns. These kinds of ties do not just command attention; they also command respect. Want to know what your tie says about you? Find out here. The best part is that they come in different patterns and colors, so you can find one to suit any season or occasion. A pinstripe tie would be a good staple choice, as well.

In today’s fashionable world, women aren’t the only ones who have to strive to look their very best anymore. Men are expected to look stylish, too. Fortunately, the right clothes won’t just make you look great; they will also help you move with confidence and succeed at winning your dream girl over at the same time. Follow looking good with closing a date fabulously and she’ll be all yours.[15]

Don’t forget to check out the Africats Method by going to:  http://africats.org/2013/02/africats-new-course-on-meditation-coming-soon/.

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Girl Friend to Girlfriend: The Road from Friendship to Romance

Hello Africats members and readers!

Thank you for all your emails which had nothing but good words for the site. We hope you enjoy reading every article we post. We’re always glad to help you improve your love life and relationships. And help you with meditation tips, make sure you check out the Africats Method.

I’ve always been a fan of romantic comedy flicks and I noticed that most of the rom-coms I’ve seen revolved around how a girl and a guy’s friendship flourish into a romantic relationship. So I’ve decided to write about it.

We’ve seen it all in Hollywood: friends falling for each other and becoming lovers in the end. Film and TV make it look so easy, so ideal, and quite honestly, so misleading – feeding us the idea that the road from friendship to romance is one filled with golden roses and picturesque happy ever after with kisses in the sunsets.

wifey

Me and wifey during our trip

In reality, it has tons of awkward moments, painful rejections, unrequited love, and maybe even unsaid emotions. But how do you deal with it actually? How you react to this newfound feeling for someone you’ve only seen as a friend your entire life makes all the difference in how you are to deal with the rest of this situation.

The moment you realize you are indeed falling for her, you’ve got to make up your mind. At this point, it is very important not to do or say or give the slightest hint to her. You have to decide whether you will choose to ignore this or take the risk. Doing anything about it when you’re less than sure will be very detrimental to your friendship. She might end up hating you for it! So, is it a go or no? Is it worth the risk of losing the friendship? Do you realize how much things will change once you admit to her that you want to try dating with her? Are you willing to embrace those changes? What if she thinks it’s a preposterous idea and she rejects you – can you take it?

Good luck if you do decide to go for it, then by all means my mighty knight, ride into the cruel world of uncertainty. But if you decide to just keep things the way they are, then sit down, drink a few beers until you forget about the feeling and live like it never happened.

Pursuing your best girl-friend does not mean jumping the gun after your life-changing realization. You’re going to scare her away, silly! Take time to test the waters – ask hypothetical questions, take her out on solo dates WITHOUT going overboard romantic, and dress up a little fancier for her. She will notice the difference but will not repel it, so you have both the time and the chance to gauge how she would react the moment you tell her the mad truth. By the way, you might want to see this funny blog post on attraction.

If she reacts less than desired – thinks you’re weird for doing it, gets awkward at the thought of looking like a couple, etc – then you may have to back it down soldier. That, or you give her more time to be used to a ‘sweeter’ you. But don’t give her misleading statements just yet. The last thing you want is confuse her and then scare her away. Only you can tell how well-receiving she is to a new you. You are getting her used to seeing you differently: as a man and not as a buddy. You might also want to play some mind games with her to tell whether or not she’s interested.

And when she finally gets the idea, maybe then you could tell her, like a real gentleman, of your intentions and feelings. It can only end three ways anyway: Yes, no or not yet.

The secret to getting through it successfully is to give her time; rushing it would end up in you losing both the girl and the friend. And besides, even if a no, if you’ve done it right, you’ll still end up being great friends afterwards!

– Africats

 

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Working Out and How It Benefits Your Dating Life

A warm welcome from Africats.org!

So we’ve all practically mastered the benefits of regular exercise to the body. Africats is all about self improvement and becoming the best version of yourself. Check out the the Africats Method by going to:  http://africats.org/2013/02/africats-new-course-on-meditation-coming-soon/. It keeps our bodies in condition, makes our bodies look great and feel great, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

But did you men know that apart from there rather obvious and first hand benefits, exercising can help give your dating life a boost too? In so many ways, sire, working out whether at the local gym or doing it independently, can greatly help whatever advances you’re trying to achieve in your dating life. If you already have a girlfriend, then this is a must read. If you don’t have one because you’re too hung up on a girl friend, try the girlfriend finding tips here.

Here are just some of the less than obvious benefits that result from regular exercise. You see, working out decreases your stress hormones therefore making you generally happier. Ever wonder why girls look glowing and serene and peaceful after a workout? That is because there is a significant boost in their happy hormones level and a drop in the stress-causing ones. The sweating and the healthy heart pumping that comes from a workout is all that is to be blamed for it. And when you’re stress-free, your face shows a happier outlook and thus makes you less cranky at dates. It makes you an easier person to be with on a date, and that’s always a good point for any guy (or girl).

It also helps clear your skin. With an improved hormonal balance, your skin gets better protection from stress-induced breakouts. On top of that, regular sweating helps wash out your pores of dirt and bacteria that clogs them. Also, since workout improves your heart pumping, there is also a better circulation of blood and oxygen to the cells in your body. And you know what that means? Your skin cells are generally healthier and clearer.

The thing is that working out boosts your self confidence. Even a few pushups do a great deal of wonder to a man’s ego. Doing it regularly will make you feel stronger and, well, more masculine. And that’s such a turn on. It’s not even the toned biceps that lure women; it’s the swing in your step, the change in how you walk (chest-out-stomach-in) and your general demeanor that brings in them ladies. And importantly, workout sessions help you meet girls. Whether you go to a local gym or jog every day, going out for a workout sesh will improve your chances at meeting women. That does not count your Zumba at home lessons though.

Workout gives you more stamina for sex. Sexual intercourse requires practically the same amount of energy and muscle work as regular workout. Because your body can handle so much more from all the cardio and weight lifting you’ve been doing, your body can handle longer intercourses. For more specific exercises on how to improve your sex life, read this. And, do I even have to explain why that is wonderfully good for your dating life? I think not. Workouts gives you a body that’s to-die-for, and it also helps you improve your relationships.

So go ahead and venture out into the world of regular exercise. Ditch your couch potato-ing and go for a healthier activity! Find the workout that best suits you, make time for it regularly, and see all the wonders it gives your body and dating life.

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Cougar Dating – An Africats.org Exclusive!

Much of the Africats Method is developed with our core audience in mind (more details here). Many of our clients like to date mature women, and so we are releasing this mini-guide on Cougar Dating. I hope you enjoy this little guide. 🙂

Cougar (n.), a woman who’s well above 35, hot, single and looking to date men in their 20’s; single or divorced; the woman and not the girl.
Cougar bait (n.) a young, attractive guy in his 20s that the cougars are looking to date

My first introduction into what ‘cougar’ meant other than the big cat on the National Geographic was Stifler’s mom on the American Pie movie series, and then followed by the 2003 song by Fountains of Wayne, Stacy’s Mom. And then Demi Moore dated and married Ashton Kutcher. And then Courtney Cox produced and starred in CougarTown. And then the rest is mostly Hollywood history.

But cougars, to my surprise, are not some Hollywood myth. They are as real as can be and they probably are in every bar and social event in the city looking to hunt for their cougar bait. The thing is, 20 or 30 years ago, the idea of dating someone as old as your mom (or maybe even older) is just ridiculously unacceptable. But today, over the course of the last decade, something must have happened in the mindset of the society that dating a much older woman has become practically normal.

And it has become a life dream of most young guys out there – to be desired and dated by a really hot cougar *meowwrrr*. But it is for the selected lot. If you are one of these guys dreaming of becoming a cougar’s pet, here’s a heads up: to be attractive enough for the more mature women, you have to look like one hot guy with the manners and maturity of your English grand uncle, the intelligence of your ethics professor, and the humor and sense of adventure of Bradley Cooper (and his body too). Cougars have standards on men and dating higher than the standards of at least 15 women in their 20s, combined and magnified by ten times. After all, being a cougar is a chance and a time to have our ideal man in our 20s at our disposal.

Too much to take in? Okay, here’s a short, concise list of what you need to become, what you need to know, and what you need to have to date a true blue cougar. And this might not even be everything.

Woman to be fractionated and seduced

Cougars or mature women are better lovers, or so they say… according to FractionationSeduction.net

How To Date A Cougar – The Africats Method Adapted For Mature Women

  • Look good, smell good, dress well. They are not girls who are looking for men to marry, they are looking for company. Fit the part of the ultimate guy trophy and never be caught dead in loose baggy jeans. Say hi to the tux, the scents, and the shiny shoes. Want to know how to get a girl to fall in love with you? Simple – be dapper.
  • Have enough money to take her out. Sure the cougars are the moneyed women, but you still have to be the man. She does not like McDonald’s and she wouldn’t enjoy the scrappy dance club where most of your college friends go to. She likes bars where she can get her martinis and Moets and Merlots.
  • Bring your etiquette to the table. Don’t leave your manners at home son. Elbows off the table, chew with your mouth closed, don’t talk when your mouth is fall and sip on that drink quietly. You are her date, not her adopted son.
  • Be mature. Cougars are women who have been there, done that, and have seen male immaturity at its ugliest. Do not be needy. Do not send drunk texts. Be independent. She wants a confident, young man so full of life and energy – that’s the kind of youthfulness that will turn her on.
  • Be smart at conversations. Again, cougars want dates, not kids. Conversations are the first step to winning a cougar’s attention and if you cannot talk to her about the ‘sensible’ things in life, I’m sorry please try again.
  • Be confident. Confidence is key to women, cougars or regulars. Carrying yourself well will always be a turn on.

I am not sure what else a cougar wants and needs from her cougar bait but these things are fairly true. After all, these are 20-year old women’s ideal man only magnified and well, the closest thing they can have to perfection! 🙂

Adrian “Cougar Lover” McKinney (adrian@africats.org)

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